


A Confession

by leck



Category: DRAMAtical Murder
Genre: Angst, Death, M/M, beni-shigure, kouao - Freeform, tragic past
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-24
Updated: 2014-07-24
Packaged: 2018-02-10 06:47:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,251
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2015118
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leck/pseuds/leck
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Koujaku's team had a right to know about his relationship with Aoba. They had a right to know just how deep it ran, and exactly how much Aoba meant to him. But they would never know unless their beloved leader told them everything.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Confession

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own dmmd. I just really like kouao.

             Orange and pink hues filled the sky as Koujaku leaned against a familiar old wall, covered in birds and flowers and kanji. The strip buzzed with activity, as his teammates conversed and gambled and gossiped as night began to fall. They probably expected a casual drinking night at Black Needle, where they’d dance and flirt with far too much alcohol in their blood. But Koujaku hadn’t been planning any of that. He watched the sky as he exhaled a breath of smoke, heart pounding and insides shaking. _You don’t have to do this,_ he told himself, for the fiftieth time that night. _They’re fine right now. You don’t have to tell them._

            True. He could let them figure out for themselves, that their trusted leader had fallen for his childhood friend. Surely the side glances and the small pecks couldn’t remain unnoticed forever. It didn’t have to be a big deal. But it didn’t feel right, to leave them in the dark. His reputation as a player would surely hurt him. Everyone knew he had slept around, and though he’d done it with dozens of girls, he’d never taken the time to date any of them. Occasionally, if someone caught his attention, he’d try, but they never made it past the bedroom. He didn’t know it at the time, but now he realized that something had always held him back from making those relationships last. And that something was his undying love for Aoba. He’d deny it time and time again, that though his feelings were definitely stronger than friendship, he felt no romantic urges towards him. Of course, he had been wrong all along, and his life had been nothing but wonderful after he worked up the confidence to confess.

            But none of his members would know that this would last. They knew how much Aoba meant to him, but naturally nobody would suspect any feelings of romantic love. He’d be just like all those girls to them—how could he allow them to think that? He was going to tell them, just how much he meant to him. He still broke into cold sweat thinking about it. What if they rejected him, because he loved a guy? It didn’t matter to Koujaku, because it didn’t change the fact that he was precious to him. His teammates were loyal. They _had_ to accept him. But his worries went beyond acceptance. How far would he have to go, to explain why this happened? If his team had a right to know about Aoba, didn’t they have a right to know about Ryuuhou?

            “ _Beni-shigure, I may be the leader of a team known for peace, but I’m actually a murderer.”_

            He glanced to the sword he carried on its back. It had been tainted with the blood of his family, of less desirable human lives—but a human life all the same. He should’ve brought Aoba with him. Because he knew what Koujaku did was wrong, but he didn’t blame him. He stayed with him . . . he could only hope his team would do the same. To his dismay, he found himself choking back tears. Two of his members knew about how he lost control in Oval Tower, and stuck his sword through his enemy. Shuddering, he took another drag on his cigarette. His smoking habit usually kicked in whenever he thought of these things. It helped curb the anxiety he felt. Did those two tell? How much did they know? They had been in a trance, but the chance that they remembered remained . . .

            _Aoba. Think of Aoba._ He would be proud of him, for telling. Because of him, he was always able to pull through. It had been his smile that urged him to live. And he saw that smile every day, and it was the most beautiful sight in the world. And when he kissed his scars, he knew that choosing life had been worth it in the end. Because of Aoba, he could move on. And he would continue this way. He would continue right now.

            “Yo.” His casual words led everyone to fall quiet. Nobody’s eyes seemed to suspect anything. Some even looked excited, imagining alcohol and pretty girls. Part of him knew he could turn back and forget everything he would say. But he couldn’t run from the past. They had a right to know.

            “Honestly, I called a meeting because I have a few things to say. Some of them . . . are less pleasant than others. But it’s important. Because all of you are my team—no, you are all my friends—you have a right to know more about my personal life.” He scanned the attentive crowd, all of them fallen silent. Curious faces watched him, some eager, some a little scared. Now was the time. His palms began to sweat and he nearly dropped his cigarette. Chest constricted, he took a deep breath and prepared to share everything.

            “I’ve fallen for someone. I know that’s a little hard to believe but—hey, it happens, right?”

            “Is it Aoba-san?” His cheeks flushed bright red as someone in the back interrupted him. Murmurs fell over the crowd, as did laughter. Koujaku hung his head to the ground, his body hit by a wall of bricks. This was a bad idea. He should just stop now—no. They had a right to know, even if they walked out on him.

            “. . . Yes.” He allowed them a few moments of noise before hushing them. “I—I know its kinda weird, but I can’t really help it, he means so much to me and—“

            “He has a nice ass—“

            “Shut up, Kou!” The laughter returned, but it really didn’t bother him as much as it did before. It felt more lighthearted, more supportive. Koujaku was blushing, but he couldn’t help but smile. “Yeah, Aoba’s ass sure is something, isn’t it?” He shook his head, laughing himself. “But aside from that . . . I think I’ve always loved him. Yeah. That’s why I never dated anyone else, because I never loved them the way I love Aoba—you don’t care that he’s a guy, right?”

            “Of course not!”

            “That’s not important!”

            “Do you still like girls?”

            “Can you hook me up with hot guys now?” His overwhelming support nearly brought him to tears. This team wasn’t leaving—at least, not yet. Darker truths had to be spoken. If they couldn’t handle it . . .

            “Thanks, guys. And I can probably direct my clients to all of you, now that I’m committed to Aoba.” He paused to laugh. It served to relieve his nerves. “But that’s not all I have to say.” Here it was. He was doing this. Beni-shigure wasn’t a particularly large team, but he’d only ever told Aoba about his past. He’d only revealed the entirety of it in Scrap, where he didn’t have a choice. He had one now, and he was choosing to tell. _I’m free from it now. It has no power over me._

 _Breathe in . . . breathe out._ Hesitating for just a moment, he pulled down the top of his kimono, revealing the entirety of his intricate tattoos. A couple of members gasped, others watched in fixated fascination. The two that had been present during the incident exchanged dark glances. All the attention fell onto him. Only the slight breeze and Koujaku’s deep breathing could be heard.

            “Beni-shigure, my team . . . my friends . . . the man who gave me these tattoos is now dead. Because . . . because I killed him. Because he killed me inside . . .”  

 

**Author's Note:**

> And you know the story from there. Thank you for reading! Comments and kudos appreciated :) Have a great day!


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